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Archive for the ‘soloist’ Category

The rules of the teacher should be the only law. But everyone is always speaking of the daily football match while separated parts of the chorus are training alone. So I developed my own, silent set of rules to survive to general bad behaviors. I dig myself into a deep never responding silence, I open my mouth only when asked by the teacher, I try to listen always to whom is singing or training with the teacher, I adopt the absolute silence even if someone says directly to me something when we are still in lesson. The only rule is: no communication. Communication means not only the voice, communication means also every facial expression, eye gaze, nerv tension. I try to be so void that noone would ever speak to me again.

Last year I broke my rule 2 times, and 2 people left the chorus. These losses taught me never to broke again the rule, and today I was so depressed about general bad behaviors even during a new song briefing that I thought I would have left the chorus by the end of the lesson. Then I thought I could menace to leave if the people didn’t pay attention to the teacher. Then I thought I could ask the people to pay attention with gentle manners.

Then it was my turn to lead sing, so I tried to put all my thoughts inside my song words. I think I missed the song meaning, the words sounded different to everyone and I noticed baffled people. I could only hear my voice stronger than every other time as soloist, and I had to close my ears to avoid over exposure to high volume. I know this sounds funny. I know people are often laughing at me. This only makes me feel lonelier, and this only makes me hope in achieving enough skill to let the people understand all my unspoken words.

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mistakes

Today is the third day for my lead singing overhelming the common unspoken rule: a song for each person. The teacher asked me to do all the songs, so I was split by singing and feeling the common reactions on my performance. I made enough mistakes and the teacher switched me again with another lead singer. I still don’t know if did my mistakes on purpose.

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tiny voices

today managed better the emotion without losing it. I heard my tiny voice into the mix of the whole voices. Heard some painfully chords too. One was really scaring, reminded me of the upside down messas. Had to concentrate close to the maximum to resist. Had to resist to some beginning of giggles too. Anyway I have to learn to be ready to the new ones who didn’t hear me before. No matter their reactions.

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dominating human nature

today I spoke my few ideas, and tried to listen to other’s ideas. Many belive that our teacher is too strong, and since two of us just dropped after some teacher’s words, now he’s taking the blame. They are right, he is strong. But the people didn’t drop by his fault. They were too weak to hang on.

but now, if we loose voices we loose emotion too. We grow cooler and detatched. Today, like yesterday they asked me to do lead singing. I prefer to stay between others. Many belive that soloist voice is a cool thing. Yes, it’s cool. You are alone, you have time to learn and time to take control of your voice, you can listen to others too. But it’s a big burden that I don’t know if I can take on my shoulders.

lone singers must keep high performance everytime. And we were built on waves, like the sea comes on the beach, slowly. tide after tide. Anyway, I hope I will never have to speak again. As usual noone understood what I was saying. Next time, better silent.

Last week we made uncomfortable 2 people that were newbies. They suddenly left, and now we are the same of the last month… each day less. Some tenores would be great between us.

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