respiration

when I’m alone my voice has a timber, when I’m in the chorus between other people my timber changes. Why? maybe with fear for the other’s ideas, my respiration changes. If the respiration is not deep enough the voice is shrill and empty. But having a meaningful voice is not matter of artifatcs and techniques. It’s a matter of life experience that needs to come out to be told. Voice is needed for changes, but not always newborns are generated by voice changes.

a tree never gives up

today i was walking to the chorus and I saw a gigantic tree. It could have two or three undred years. During the lesson I felt like a little blade of grass that needs to build up a bark. Every time the voice comes out is like a blade of grass, and I can let it flowing or I can build up a protective covering. We can learn without the need of crying.

mistakes

Today is the third day for my lead singing overhelming the common unspoken rule: a song for each person. The teacher asked me to do all the songs, so I was split by singing and feeling the common reactions on my performance. I made enough mistakes and the teacher switched me again with another lead singer. I still don’t know if did my mistakes on purpose.

tiny voices

today managed better the emotion without losing it. I heard my tiny voice into the mix of the whole voices. Heard some painfully chords too. One was really scaring, reminded me of the upside down messas. Had to concentrate close to the maximum to resist. Had to resist to some beginning of giggles too. Anyway I have to learn to be ready to the new ones who didn’t hear me before. No matter their reactions.

dominating human nature

today I spoke my few ideas, and tried to listen to other’s ideas. Many belive that our teacher is too strong, and since two of us just dropped after some teacher’s words, now he’s taking the blame. They are right, he is strong. But the people didn’t drop by his fault. They were too weak to hang on.

but now, if we loose voices we loose emotion too. We grow cooler and detatched. Today, like yesterday they asked me to do lead singing. I prefer to stay between others. Many belive that soloist voice is a cool thing. Yes, it’s cool. You are alone, you have time to learn and time to take control of your voice, you can listen to others too. But it’s a big burden that I don’t know if I can take on my shoulders.

lone singers must keep high performance everytime. And we were built on waves, like the sea comes on the beach, slowly. tide after tide. Anyway, I hope I will never have to speak again. As usual noone understood what I was saying. Next time, better silent.

Last week we made uncomfortable 2 people that were newbies. They suddenly left, and now we are the same of the last month… each day less. Some tenores would be great between us.

we are losing people

Leaving people behind is the greatest error. Choosing only the fastest learning singers brings the illusion of acceletating the group learning process. The fast-singers if alone have usually poor voices in the global chorus, there are no tenores between us. We need untrained voices, we need a big group of people full of ancient passion. We need all the will to hang on all together. We need the fast-singers to stay silent in the corner while the slow-singers are learning.

The passion sees obstacles only in our behaviors.

I try to stay silent, always. But one time I spoke violent words against another guy that was laughing with another. He was soo scared that he did never came back. That was a mistake, I knew it while I was speaking. I hope they will be strong enough to come back. Now all the obstacles are inside the outside people. We must be nice if someone new will appear on the door. We must stay forever like if we were all gentle strangers.

Cutting away people in this moment is like cutting away too many branches while trimming the tree. It’s always too early when we have to start suffering.

duran’s album Red Carpet Massacre

aka discovering again the new wave

the new duran’s album Red Carpet Massacre it’s the masterpiece of the week here in the midle of sardinia. Not much tenores inside, but big bunch of true pain mixed with style, and familiar voices that bring me back into the 80’s. All together with Tears for fears and Depeche mode. I’ve never been too much fascinated by the dark decadent face of the new wave (like cure and nearby spin offs). Big respect for hard work lasted in many years of experience, and again, public pain.

blues woman screaming out the soul is like a little tenores woman

Listening to a fat woman screaming may not be the best of the evenings. But etta james screams on youtube too, and I saw her video because a friend of mine likes a lot blues and old rock. Yesterday night I was training for my chours part and I noticed once again the impact of the idea of someone listening on my voice. Well, this phase now is fewer that some years ago. I don’t like to post youtube video or links, incapsulating other sources contents in my pages makes me feel little, and just a free editor for someone else’s money. But surely you can find a etta james video somewhere, in Somethings Got A Hold On Me for example she has a little of tenores in her voice.

shyness may come from the fact that singing is a little like being naked in front of the people. They feel everything about you, they know if you are arrogant, isolated, happy, etc. You cannot lie to the ears. And being exposed with my screams is not ok for the moment. As well as I hear to etta and think that her interpretation is too much powerful, too fearless and idealistic (very modulated voice).

slower power

the chorus is having troubles. After the splitting each one of us can sing just an hour in a week with the teacher. Today hard words about our poor job with homeworks. The medium age group goes from 40 to 50 years old. With some childrens and some older persons. Too many sentences today, and few singing. Just came out another idea: split the splitted group…

Anyway, learning some history, it seems that tenores weren’t those self-taught full of instinct people that I imagined. They were the best singers in the town, and the only that could armonize notes coming out the throats. This means that I have to study, and I have no actual chances to become tenores.

I must learn more silence, I will live in my corner.

splitting the voices

Here at the poliphonic chorus we’ve started splitting the lessons voice per voice. First Voices one day, Second Voices another day and so on. This let us focus very well in our part, and singing in the same room with just 3 other people makes me feel close to the canto a tenores, but we lose the global chorus armonics. Probably our teacher has been forced to split the group since some elements are slower that others in learning and he is fearing to lose the entire group. My opinion is not really important, so I just shut up and accept everything they decide.